Camouflage Is it effective?

Let me start out this post is about camouflage fashion and when to wear it. I am not saying I know shit about fashion, because I recently learned on a Oprah show that no one should be wearing jeans with tapered legs and when they said no one, they mean no one. I learned this on the day that we were traveling up to Saskatoon to meet my partners friends. What to do? Add material to the bottom of the jeans to flair them out and go for that hippie look that is always so well hip. Or do I rip out the crotch of the jeans, sew them up with another pair of my fucking tapered leg jeans, make an attractive Mennonite skirt out the material, change my religion, which is saying that I am connected to a church, I'm not and as of yet no missionaries have been knocking on my door. Well you can't include the Seventh Day Adventists or the Mormons, cause, to put this kindly they aren't all that picky and will take anyone who is breathing, hell the Mormons will baptise you after you are dead if you didn't get around to because of your busy schedule. Then I realized to become a Mennonite in good standing I would have to put my hair up in a bun like those Mennonite folks and not wear make up or swear, which means I would have have to cut down on talking and marry a guy and have children and live on a farm and grow my own food while giving birth as we built a barn for our cows and it just seemed a bit too much work for a first visit to Saskatoon. So I put on my now evil, I hate you with a fashion fucking tapered jeans that make you look like shit got in the car and prayed that others had not seen this particular show because if they had then they would snicker behind my back as visited. Realizing my thinking process was wrong because I am in Canada and that is totally impolite to for people to snicker behind your back I felt better.

Yes I know there were like a bunch of run on sentences in the above paragraph and I am sure some people, ok the 3 that read this are cringing but this is emotional and important stuff, so suck it up and continue with the story.

Now back to my original post about camouflage. I don't know how to put this kindly so I won't because I am from the United States and we are known for sticking our foot in our mouths on a regular basis, unless you are George Bush where it is difficult to put his own foot in his mouth since he has his head up his ass and it would be physically impossible to have your head up your ass while sticking your foot in your mouth and anyway Karl Rove's foot and Cheney's is already there so it would be a tight fit.

Camouflage is a clothing that is green in nature unless you live in the desert or are going to war on a nation that is mostly desert with lots of oil and then it is appropriate to wear the sand toned camo. In fact it is necessary otherwise you would stick out like a palm tree in the middle of the desert and every camel within a hundred mile radius would running towards you hoping you had water. And you don't want that.

Camouflage is used also for hunting. People who are wearing green camo after the Thanksgiving are, well, how to put this, tacky. Not that people who wear shit loads of camo really give a rats ass about fashion but just an FY fucking I dudes and dudettes. Take it from the jack rabbits. When the snow falls you should be switching to your fashionable white camo gear. Cause you are kind of sticking out wearing all that green when on the prairie everything is covered in you know - snow.

Now about jack rabbits whose coats turn white. They do this so as not to attract the attention of birds of prey, wolves, coyotes and my fucking dog named Stella. So this goes out to all you goddamn white jack rabbits. If you don't want to attract the attention that involves blood and your entrails going from your inside to your outside. Try and get rid of the the stupid black marks on the top of the ears. Sure you don't want to be like everyone else. But let me tell you you stupid little hopping things. First of all, what in the hell are you doing out on a frozen lake in the first place. That is all frigging white mind you. Second of all. Because of your stupid black tips on those cute little stupid ears of your, my dog Stella who doesn't understand about Frozen lakes yet and takes off across the stupid frozen lake after you and your stupid black tipped ears. I on the other hand am wearing snow boots a winter coat, a toque, some neck gaiter and glasses that keep fogging up because I am trying to run through these frozen snow drifts screaming STELLA, STELLA, you stupid sumofabitch dog (this is no Jack London story) with of course my no one should be wearing, stupid, man I hate Oprah, tapered jeans.

Lucky for me Stella can't run as fast as those big bouncy bastards can run and skidded more times that ran, so she lost the rabbit in the snow and came back to me and sat down and tried to lick her paws because well they got frozen on the ice.

Listen buster I said to her, don't complain to me about frozen paws I have already stuck a piece of metal to my lips and ripped the skin off, so since I did that to myself and you did what you did to yourself and made me run looking really stupid in my fuck you Oprah tapered jeans. I don't want to hear another word out of you.

Then I made sure we walked on the freshly salted roads to make sure she understood how I felt about this "walk". You might think that is cruel walking on the salted road. WELL listen, I ate potato chips after ripping the skin off my lips and you didn't hear me complain did ya?

Didn't think so.