The Winter Itch

Has nothing to do with the 7 year itch but it feels a lot like the same kind of itch I had when I was living in Marin County which is on the other side of the bay of San Francisco and I didn't know nothing about no poison oak and had this dog that just loved to roll in it and being alone and living in an airstream trailer (sounding a bit like this story is really situated in the south, but swear to the all mighty god there are trailers in Marin County and I did live in one in the 80's.) So sometimes the dog slept on the bed with me. Listen you filthy minded pervs, it was a small trailer, you know a travel trailer. See? Look how small that damn thing is, you try and live in one with your dog and see if the dog doesn't end up sleeping on your bed. Back to the supposed bestiality, the dog would roll in the poison oak

This is poison oak, nasty, nasty stuff reminds me of Dick Cheney but with more hair.

THIS IS EVIL, STAY AWAY AT ALL COSTS. DO YOU THINK ADAM AND EVE LEFT THE GARDEN OF EDEN BECAUSE OF SOME ISSUES WITH GOD? NO SIRREE IT WAS BECAUSE THOSE LEAVES THEY WORE. OH YEAH, THOSE WEREN'T THE GOOD OLD, MAPLE LEAF (GOD SAVE THE QUEEN) BUT THROUGH SOME CONFUSION BETWEEN THE SNAKE AND ADAM THEY ENDED UP WEARING POISEN OAK INSTEAD OF THIS FRIENDLY CHUMMY LEAF. DUE TO THE ITCH TO THEIR PRIVATE PARTS THEY HAD TO LEAVE IN SEARCH OF SOME RELIEF. THIS IS THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO CLAUDIA

Back to the story, where were we, dog rolled on blankets, I slept on the blankets, I ended of with a 6 month case of poison oak itching that didn't improve my look in the early 80's. Well to be honest there wasn't much that could have improved anyones look in 80's. Most people were just trying to move around in a bar where 90% of the women were wearing jackets with shoulder pads bumping into each other like bumper cars at the fair. You know now that I think about it my issues with poison oak were the least of my worries in the 80's. God Alexis was such a bitch wasn't she?

To bring this story up to today I am once again dealing with the winter itch. I was trying to be kind when I discussed in a previous post about it being a dry cold. It is a soul sucking, dry that well is beginning to piss me off. I now know why people spend so much time on the ice and falling down, it cools off their itchy skin. Do you know what comes after the winter itch? Do you? Spring Fever. I am not talking about the one where you go, oh I can't wait to see leaves on the trees and lemmings running free (not committing suicide because we already know they are not a suicidal rodent) no this spring fever comes from the infection caused by the continual tearing off of my skin until it becomes infected and I have a really bad fever but because I'm not a landed immigrant, more like one that is floating, I have no health care so they end up having to amputate both legs and I end up on the corner of Broad and Victoria in Regina with my Lemming Circus trying to make a living off the loonies that the kind Canadians will throw to me as I cackle under my breath.

Yeah, that is what I am talking about.