It has been postponed due to technical difficulties, so all my cult followers please come out of your caves and go back to work, so I can continue to receive the monthly checks that allow me to communicate with the Gods. Without this money I am unable to get a clear line to the Gods, sort of like having to use dial up when I could be using DSL.
This is the last week of working on the house. Last week I had a nervous breakdown and was unable to continue working like Debbie Fucking Travis on crystal meth. It was a combination of realizing that no it is absolutely impossible to work 3 weeks straight without your body breaking down and darn it I got stung.
I think the straw that broke the camel's back as they say in middle eastern countries (I always try to keep this blog political) was the attack of a certain angry flying creature. Here in Canada they call them wasps, where I am from we call them yellow jackets. In the States we consider a Wasp to be either one of the these buggers pictured below. They both have yellow markings a very small waist and a violent attitude except that the one with wings is believed to be smarter and to have a better singing voice. What these two also have in common is when you hear one sing, or one stings the end result is usually the same - tears of agony.
This is the last week of working on the house. Last week I had a nervous breakdown and was unable to continue working like Debbie Fucking Travis on crystal meth. It was a combination of realizing that no it is absolutely impossible to work 3 weeks straight without your body breaking down and darn it I got stung.
I think the straw that broke the camel's back as they say in middle eastern countries (I always try to keep this blog political) was the attack of a certain angry flying creature. Here in Canada they call them wasps, where I am from we call them yellow jackets. In the States we consider a Wasp to be either one of the these buggers pictured below. They both have yellow markings a very small waist and a violent attitude except that the one with wings is believed to be smarter and to have a better singing voice. What these two also have in common is when you hear one sing, or one stings the end result is usually the same - tears of agony. 
Back to my story, I was working diligently in the back yard pulling up weeds and getting ready for a load to the dump (the only time I get out and socialize lately) when while pulling up thistles I felt this intense pain the pain that made me want to go running to my mommy, yeah that kind of bad pain. I look down thinking that I have a thistle in tennis shoes and since I'm not wearing socks I'm thinking it got stuck there and what do I find but a yellow jack - wasp - sonofabitch inside the tongue of my shoe stinging away. I screamed and knocked him out and then went hopping into the house cursing silently to myself. Why to myself you ask? See what you all don't get is they are called Yellow JACKETS, which means if they are all are wearing the same colour and have the same coat, hello get my drift - as in the Hell's Angels yeah see where I am going with this, these fuckers belong not only to a gang but to a species and if you call one of them out, then you better run mighty fast cause they will be calling their brothers out and you will be puffed up like a puffer fish out of water.
I did as I lay on the couch with a bag of peas on my ankle make some pretty rude remarks about how small his little fucking stinger must be if it took him that many times stinging me for him to get my attention. I mean I am talking small here people.
So this time of year one thing you can be sure of the yellow jackets, wasps are running out of their food they normally consume so they will be fighting for our food. This along with Paris Hilton being played on the radio, makes it not safe to leave the house for any reason at all and if you do have to leave your house, run, get into your car, lock your doors and listen to CBC or NPR (National Public Radio) for only then do you have a chance of not be tortured by the sounds of the other wasp.
No comments:
Post a Comment