Tupperware is designed by aging ex-hippies

I went to a Tupperware party last night. What you exclaim, a hip person like you Claudia foraging into the world of High-Tech Plastics, what's up with that?. Now before you destroy the shrine you have built for me and snuff out the candles that you made in my likeness let me explain.

It was a guilt and I was fucking lonely Ok? Cause if you lived in a foreign country in a small town where there aren't any 6 degrees of separation here, you would lower yourself to the extreme of inviting yourself to an Amway meeting or even invite the frigging Mormon Missionaries over just so you can have a conversation.

So I went. For in my age group we were raised with the burping of Tupperware. As children our mothers would come home after their first Tupperware party with pale green and yellow bowls with lids and it was very, very important that you burp each time you put the lid on to get the excess air out which kept the food longer. All of us became experts in the art of burping, many of us went on to baby sitting because of this talent. I was not one of those baby sitting pros. I chose the root of cleaning horse stalls because I felt the urine from a horse was perferable to that of urine shooting out of a small penis into one's face after they have taken the diaper off. Ah but I digress let me get back to the subject of plastics.

Tupperware had other drawbacks in my day. Strangely lids or bowls would disappear leaving one with 13 lids and 8 bowls and you were lucky if you could find one that fit that hadn't been warped by scalding water or having it too close to the stove. And having the lid colour match the bowl, after about two weeks like who cared. Plus storing the 13 lids became a problem. No one wanted to open the door to the Tupperware cupboard for fear that they would have an avalanche of ugly plastic lids scattering across the floor. Where did the lids and/or bowls go too? Most likely they took off with the one sock you could never match and now live in Peru or Brazil or Newfoundland.

So I go to this party ready to burp away and I find that, they have dispensed with burping and are now new age. Well to say I was disappointed was an understatement. But to be bummed at a Tupperware Party is like being happy at a funeral. It isn't acceptable. So I listened to Aspen our very cool Tupperware Hostess Person and she shared with us something that proves to me that Tupperware is now designed and run by Ex-Hippies.

They have this boxes right with little air hole things that you can open and shut OK? And you put your fruits and vegetables in these containers depending on if they are deep breathers, mild breathers or don't breath at all (this made me very sad because that meant you were putting a poor apple or something into a box, shutting it - without burping it and the poor sucker would just suffocate). Yeah swear to God this is true. On the side of these plastic boxes in print (but not french I'm afraid) they will tell you which fruits or vegetables are what type of breathers. Yeah, I know I got excited too when I heard this, cause well I always thought I heard shit breathing in my fridge, but I said to myself, fuck that, that is just another frigging flashback and I will ignore it, I refused to believe that I had some pervert reading porn in my fridge.

See what I mean about needing to get out more.

Then I realized after Aspen told us about these breathing fruits and Veggies boxes (which I ordered cause Melinda got some humongous bowl that could feel a Mennayemminite family for weeks as a gift if we spent money). Oh yeah and Melinda is very cool, she knows how to throw a good party.

But, I was thinking see, back a couple of decades ago I took some drugs that made me think that my face was melting or the couch was trying to swallow me or that the peanut butter and jam sandwich that took me 3 hours to eat was really peanut butter and red corpusals. But during this time there were a few experiences where when looking at an apple or banana I carried on some pretty deep conversations with them. So of course they had to be breathing right? To be talking right? Which takes me back to Tupperware is run by Ex-Hippies, cause if fruits and veggies and breath, then Tupperware is making a fortune off of some massive flashbacks from chicks and dudes who were doing window pane acid in the 70's and 80's.

In conclusion, I signed up to host a Tupperware Party.

Hey I got 10 bucks off my order.

Of breathable fruit and veggie containers.

Oops must go, door bell rang, must be the Jehovah Witnesses here to convert me.