Yep this is how I feel today

This is my salute to the mini blizzard we had in the middle of March up here. Three days before we had plus temps, melting snow, singing birds, the sun warm on my back, dog turds that had been left since October showing themselves. Yes I felt that spring was on the way. Then this shit.

It put me in a bit of a tailspin so to speak. Oh and the phone call from my mother. Love my mother really do, she misses me, I her. But even from the coast she is able to throw her umbilical cord at me with a lasso on it and pull me in. Fuck I hate that. My mother wants to know how my writing is going. I say some days better then others. She says, well you will have lots of time since it takes about 7 years in the States to become a citizen. I tell her it doesn't take that long up here and anyway I am just trying to become a landed immigrant. She says well you should do more writing why not write a story about some of the wonderful hiking experiences you had with your father. I said well I might mix up some the places we went hiking because when you start hiking when you are 3 years old, your ability to discern the difference from one hellish hike isn't easy. You are told to pack for a week, so you pack your backpack (don't forget your sleeping bag like I did one time, I never want to be that close to my mother again thank you). You are tossed into the volkswagen Micro-bus that goes 55 down hill with a tail wind. Can't open any windows so as soon as we hit the dusty dirt roads I was usually on the floor of the bus, trying not to puke along with with Sheltie Calin who was always able to puke 5 minutes before we reached our destination.

I tried to explain this to mother and she said, well there you go being negative before you even start. Also she continues on, it is too bad that none of the children (ours or our family friends) hike anymore. She said that is just sad. I said, well I love to river raft. She said that isn't the same thing. Duh, no it isn't. Think about (I didn't say this) we spent every summer from the time we were 5 let's say and there are 4 of us kids. Every summer was spent backpacking. Backpacking means you carry everything on your back. Sure great exercise. Beautiful mountains, great adventures. But it is the part of "carrying everything on your back". See maybe, just maybe it got old for us. So if I decide to raft down a fucking river and let nature do work, well what the fuck, I'm still out there aren't I? Hell Fucking Yes.

So NO my mother does not push any of my buttons, not at all. She does say things like, "I hope to see you some day" (what is implied is before she dies). I said, well as soon as the paper work comes through I will come out there, she says, well you can't afford it, I said yes I can. So we disagree on this, at this point I have taken one of the swords I own out and am checking to see if it is sharp enough to stab myself without too much pain.

I get off the phone feeling oh so chipper. Watching the fucking spring blizzard and wondering to myself, hell I don't even know what I wondered to myself other then eating a 1/2 bag of Easter M&M's doesn't make you feel anymore Christ like just because the colours of the candies are in a pastel colour.