Back in the 80's where shoulder pads were king, Dynasty was the best trash we available to us and Cocaine was still considered psychologically addictive not physically addictive, I was living the life of a restless youth. My sister always stated that when her generation took drugs (she is 5 years older then me) it was for a reason, to reach a higher level of awareness, for us it was to just get high. I can't disagree with her on that point, but I must point out that I did on at least two different occasions go out on in field on Acid and try to get in become one with God. Unfortunately it took me over 2 hours to get over a fence, well in fact it took about an hour to find the fence then an hour to climb over it. See when I was on Acid I was spacially fucked. So I kept climbing over the fence only to realize that the fence was about 200 feet in front of me.
What does this have to do with the title of the post? As the old proverb says; a watched pot never boils and I might add neither does a 4 foot snow drift ever melt. See it is spring time here up north. This means when it snows it is a lighter, more liquid kind of snow. You know cabin fever has set in when I am running round about ready to pee my pants because I have found dog shit that was shat before the first big snow. That my friends is a sign that we only have a month of waiting for this brown mucky shit called snow melt to disappear and then watch as the grass struggles to recover from having it's head shoved between its roots for the past 6 months.
I am coming to terms with aging. Not in the usual sense, sure I realize that I will never look as sexy clean shaven as Britney Spears or as brain dead and insipid (that is my favourite word) as Paris Hilton. But is it really fair that while my hair is losing it's bouncy youthful appearance that my eye brows have to start curling up in an alarming manner?
Becoming older is when you try and use spit to control unruly eye brows and find that they now are reaching for the sky. Mouse has no affect and neither would a moose. I pluck then realize what will I do if one morning I wake up and all my eye brow hairs have decided to turn into dreadlocks? What then? Do I pluck them all out and then have to paint on my eye brows every morning so I have that constantly surprised look for the next 3o years, or do I give up and let nature take it's course.
I do say I am grateful that I didn't live in the 1800's. This is what was suggested for hair removal back then:
There were many alternative methods of hair removal, ranging from pulverized egg shells to a mixture of cat's dung and vinegar. In the early 18th century (1700-1737) Lemery's Curiosa Arcana, published in 1711, gives a recipe for the complexion: To remove hair, one was instructed to 'Take the shells of 52 eggs, beat them small and distill them with a good fire.' Then, with the water, 'Anoint yourself where you would have the Hair off.' For ladies with more cats than chickens, Lemery recommended beating 'hard, dry Cats-dung...to a powder' and tempering it with strong vinegar for the same effect. Other homemade depilatories contained quick-lime.
So if anyone who reads this is too young to remember the song Bette Davis Eyes - well I would like to feel some sympathy, but that means you are way young and I might tend to snarl at you. Don't worry though I think the snarling comes with the bushy eyebrow thing.
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