We have all driven over them some times in our lives. Those obnoxious bumps in the road that aren't pedestrians or slow moving skunks, no what I am talking about are those raised curved asphalt things in the road that are created to make us slow down. We find them in neighborhood where their are children, though why you need to slow down for children I will never know, those buggers are fast. They should have them where their are old people because old people aren't fast and you need to slow down for old people not fast little people. Do not try and dispute this logic because it makes sense. It is like asking George Hamilton to be a spokesman for Sun Screen. It is illogical the man is petrified, that is not a sun tan, it is a severe case of petrification. He looks exactly like a mummy but with a nice cigar and smoking jacket.
No George Hamilton has nothing really to do with this article but I find it strange that the world hasn't come to grips that we have mummies walking the world and are doing nothing about it. Screw worrying about Border Patrols. My friends the enemy is walking among us and yet we do nothing!
Today the subject is speed bumps. Why am I so up in arms about them today? No good reason other then I was driving though a neighbourhood of University Park and they have several of them, but do you know what they call them up here in Canada? SPEED HUMPS. Call me weird (but not to my face) but speed humps? when you put those two words together all I can think of is a new slang name for really bad sex.
"So Dorothy how was your date last night? "
"Oh it started out lovely and ended up on a horrible note."
"Oh no what happened?"
"Well George and I were getting frisky and all and well one thing led to another and we ended up in bed and then..."
"Oh no don't say it."
"But I must. I clicked my heels of my ruby red slippers three times and boom it was over."
Horrified. "Do you mean?"
"Yes I do, It was one of those damnable SPEED HUMPS."
"Oh Dorothy I am so sorry."
Sobbing, "yes it was quite horrid I have to say."
As you can see the name that the Canadian Transportation Department is using currently will make them the butt of everyone's jokes and as everyone knows that is not nice to do. Unless you are doing it in a blog, then it is so ok.
What I am suggesting to you the transportation department, change those signs to say speed bumps or face the consequences.
4 comments:
I think the logic of calling them "Humps" instead of "Bumps" is that “Speed Bumps” are what are in parking lost and “Speed Humps” are the ones in the road…… but then again why call it something different if it does the same thing?
The first time I saw the sign I didn’t read what was under the picture and though to myself ‘why is there a picture of a sombrero?’ and launched off of the speed hump at 70km/hr (those were the ones between Assiniboine ave. and arcola) I always hate the people that slow down to 30km/hr as if their car is going to go flying off of the road or something.
I enjoy the ones who slow down to 30K and then speed up trying to make up for lost time then slam on their brakes for the next one. It's their form of an amusement park.
That would limit your ability to have any quality control. Seems almost like meeting a quota doesn't it?
Personally, I always thought they were a warning sign for "Tits upcoming". You know, sort of like a coming attraction. Casino Regina, 1km. RCMP Barracks, 2km. Tits, 500m.
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