Regina Social Scene

I have been here since September of last year and trying to work hard at breaking into the social structure of the Regina community. You may say, we are a friendly people and would help anyone stuck in the snow or if they had fallen through the ice and I would agree. But there is a big difference between saving someones life and being invited to dinner and I have finally discovered the secret of Regina. They best way for me to explain it is to use the diagram of a human cell. As you can see each cell has it's own nucleus which we will call your family and close circle of friends Around it other stuff that would make this too complicated so let us just say the lysosome would be your work, the ER is the shopping malls you go too, the golgi is your neighborhood, the squiggly black lines are either bugs or conflicts you are having and the lining around it is the Regina Ring road. See how simple this is?

Now in Regina everyone has their own cell they live in. Not a terrorist cell because that is different and involves bombs and guns and bad attitudes. No I am talking about the normal Reginain. They work hard at creating these cells and feel very comfortable in them. They are usually in a relationship of some kind and it is very nice and very few conflicts or squiggly lines. You following me? Now this is where it gets a bit more complicated. If you get divorced or break up with your partner, someone has to leave that cell and find their own new cell to hang in. You can take your job, your malls and your ring road (unless you move to Saskatoon then you can't) and create a new life. But as soon as you leave your cell you are now considered a free floating cell and you could be considered a danger to the other cells and not accepted. Some cells might consider you cancerous and that you would cause damage to their cells causing more squiggly lines (this would be bad, because that means you would cause strife in their cell or you don't bath and have bugs following you is just not good in any situation).

Sometimes cells merge mostly through marriage. This isn't a bad thing unless you had a bad break up with someone who knows someone from another cell and then you can expect years of squiggly lines to be in your life, unless that person falls through the ice and no one saves them. Now the dangers of cell merges is that you might introduce a friend to another friend thinking that you all can be friends. But then they become best friends and your cell is excluded and you are just sitting there stewing in your cell while their cells are going out partying. Personally I would say fuck their cells.

If you are from the United States and try to push your way into a cell, it just doesn't work. They might invite you over once or twice but will most likely count their silver after you leave and they wonder to themselves how can you be so stupid to have voted in George W. Bush twice. They never believe that you didn't vote for that lunatic.

In conclusion cell life can be great fun unless you of course have the squiggly line issue. It is always important to take good care of your cell and for God sakes if you are going to be foolish enough to sleep around, don't do it in your cell or else you will end up having to move to Weyburn or Moose Jaw.