Gym Etiquette

For those of you who go to the gym I am providing this information to you so you don't make the same mistakes as I have in the past. Or so that you don't piss me off when I am at the gym.

By following these simple instructions you too will be well liked and even admired by everyone.

So you are riding one of the exercise bikes, been on it for 30 minutes or so and your time is up. What do you do:

1. Leave and lift weights
2. Get the disinfectant and wipe off the handle bars then the seat
3. Get the disinfectant and wipe off the seat where you had your stinky ass and then the handle bars with the paper towel.
   

The answer is number 2. We all sweat people and to just get up and think that someone is going to follow behind you and wipe up after you is tacky. And number 3? I suggest that if you have unresolved passive aggressive behaviours that you should talk to your therapist. This behaviour could be caused because of the lady who taps you on the shoulder and says, "excuse me but I signed up for this bike on the board and you are on it." So you are embarrassed, have to get off and feel really stupid and maybe think she is an anal retentive shit since there are 4 other bikes that aren't quite as new as the one you are on that she could ride on. She then has the nerve to ride it for only 10 minutes.

When finding a locker in an empty locker room.

1. Find one that is at least 4 lockers down from the nearest locker being used
2. Choose the one right next to the only locker being used.

If you picked number 2 you are also the person that I have met several times that will walk into an empty theater with only me and one other person and sit your lazy ass right in front of me and then check your cell phone for any highly important text messages. I forgive you since I believe your brain has been fried by the cell phone you have stuck to your ear up to 18 hours a day.

When changing your clothes in the locker room with another person in there

1. Strike up a conversation to make it all feel more relaxed
2. Pretend the other person doesn't exist, change into your clothes and leave.

If you picked number 2, you might be anti social but you also might enjoy talking to people better in a bar or at home when they are fully dressed.

If you picked number 1, you most likely are uncomfortable with silence. Then sing a song. While I am trying to pull up my pants over legs that are a bit damp and fighting a battle to the death, the last thing I need is someone asking me what book am I reading. You either belong to a nudist colony and enjoy frolicking in the nude while playing volley ball or you enjoy making other people suffer.

I am not anti social and after I have my unmentionables covered up, bring on the conversation. Let's discuss politics, the weather or what book I am reading. But please not when I have my ass to the wall and am trying to pretend I am invisible.