Today is the Day

Well since I know you all are sitting waiting ever so patiently to find out what happened with Myrtle and I, which sounds like an awfully good title for a book, but something dramatic would have to be happening and it's just therapy, but you say yeah, therapy, you talk, ya cry, ya laugh and you leave. Well not this therapy nope. First of all I was referred by an EAP (employee assistance program) and they only provide you will like enough visits to get you through a crisis. So when I say Myrtle and unfortunately her last name isn't Muggles, but for you and I it will always be Muggles am I right? Can I have a hallelujah? Thank you. When I went for my first visit she said, usually they only allow one visit for a diagnosis but for you Claudia they are giving you the entire 7 visits! Can I have a praise Jesus from the crowd? Thank you. So it always helps to be over the top losing it to get the full value of your buck.

Today I have a two hour session. Why two hours? Cause we are doing this process called EMDR or also called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. Big words, but what the hell is it? Well from what I gather and I am sure this is all ass backwards, your brain carries memories, good bad and ugly. When you have had a bit of trauma in your life your brain passages get all screwed up and hold onto that energy and you keep going back to it and reliving it so with this process when you go back to a painful memory your eyes start twitching and like you are in a horror movie and then the therapist does something and you do something and then somehow the energy is released or your brain finds a new path to travel instead of going back to that shit and you get all better. Much like an enema for the brain.

Now in the past they tried different methods connected to the eyes and memories. Long time ago the therapists or sadists would stick a hot poker close to your eye and say, you think you felt like shit then, well that ain't nothing like you are going to feel now with this thing in your eye. This did work somewhat, it was true that you immediately forgot anything traumatic in your past and did focus on just today and this moment. But they found that after both eyes were poked out, that the patient rarely came back for more visits and anyway, anyone foolish enough to come back after their first eye was poked out with a red hot poker had bigger problems then just an eye poking could fix.

From there came using ice picks for lobotomies that also went through the eye but didn't blind the person but also left them with the eye cue of George W Bush, they gave up on that and now today we have this EMDR thingy.

So in less then 1/2 hour I will have a brain clean thing happening. I hope that I don't leave acting like a Stepford/Saskatoon Wife and wear dresses with pearls when I vacuum.