Are Pig Spleens in your future?

Through out the ages various cultures have used different means in which to predict the future. The Chinese still use the reading of tea leaves to tell one's future, many people rely on Astrology to plan their day and some go so far as to pick a mate who is compatible to their sign. I being a Leo don't care much as long as I am the center of attention. We up here in Saskatoon have a unique and special way of telling our future. Well I wouldn't say that everyone is into this but I was told there is one man who has a special talent of predicting the future. We will call him the Spleen Man, since I don't know his name. From what I was told this man takes spleens from pigs and has been able to successfully predict that we who live in the prairies of the north with nothing between us and the North Pole were going to have storms in January, February and March.



I know pretty overwhelming to think that there is someone out there that has the talent to look at this organ and tell us that we would have storms that involved snow and wind. Wow is all I can say. Where does this man find these spleens? That is the great mystery. I have checked out the meat markets and you don't find them for sale. He might work at one of the processing plants in the area. Or he just maybe he raises one pig a year, butchers it just so that he can provide us with knowledge that can help us prepare for a storm this far north. Hell if I would be able to say with any conviction to people that hey you guys look at this frigging spleen; Can't you see from the grey spots and red spots and black spots that we are going to have snow and yes wind and hold on to your seats, it might even get really cold up here.

It is a god given talent is all I can say. What I am grateful for is that I don't have to drink spleen tea to find out what to look forward to in my future.

And that my friends is the latest news from Saskatoon.

Gym Etiquette

For those of you who go to the gym I am providing this information to you so you don't make the same mistakes as I have in the past. Or so that you don't piss me off when I am at the gym.

By following these simple instructions you too will be well liked and even admired by everyone.

So you are riding one of the exercise bikes, been on it for 30 minutes or so and your time is up. What do you do:

1. Leave and lift weights
2. Get the disinfectant and wipe off the handle bars then the seat
3. Get the disinfectant and wipe off the seat where you had your stinky ass and then the handle bars with the paper towel.
   

The answer is number 2. We all sweat people and to just get up and think that someone is going to follow behind you and wipe up after you is tacky. And number 3? I suggest that if you have unresolved passive aggressive behaviours that you should talk to your therapist. This behaviour could be caused because of the lady who taps you on the shoulder and says, "excuse me but I signed up for this bike on the board and you are on it." So you are embarrassed, have to get off and feel really stupid and maybe think she is an anal retentive shit since there are 4 other bikes that aren't quite as new as the one you are on that she could ride on. She then has the nerve to ride it for only 10 minutes.

When finding a locker in an empty locker room.

1. Find one that is at least 4 lockers down from the nearest locker being used
2. Choose the one right next to the only locker being used.

If you picked number 2 you are also the person that I have met several times that will walk into an empty theater with only me and one other person and sit your lazy ass right in front of me and then check your cell phone for any highly important text messages. I forgive you since I believe your brain has been fried by the cell phone you have stuck to your ear up to 18 hours a day.

When changing your clothes in the locker room with another person in there

1. Strike up a conversation to make it all feel more relaxed
2. Pretend the other person doesn't exist, change into your clothes and leave.

If you picked number 2, you might be anti social but you also might enjoy talking to people better in a bar or at home when they are fully dressed.

If you picked number 1, you most likely are uncomfortable with silence. Then sing a song. While I am trying to pull up my pants over legs that are a bit damp and fighting a battle to the death, the last thing I need is someone asking me what book am I reading. You either belong to a nudist colony and enjoy frolicking in the nude while playing volley ball or you enjoy making other people suffer.

I am not anti social and after I have my unmentionables covered up, bring on the conversation. Let's discuss politics, the weather or what book I am reading. But please not when I have my ass to the wall and am trying to pretend I am invisible.

Da Blizzard of 2007

For those of you who weren't here for the worst blizzard in 50 years here is some-one's video of it. Makes you cold just watching it.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DugSbG2i8NQ

I have been waiting almost two years for one, it happened and it was the most terrifying day of my life. Actually it wasn't. I stayed home and watched it from inside, but I believe I was the only person outside who was taking pictures of it to show everyone.I have no good story about it. Absolutely nothing thrilling happened. I didn't get caught in Costco because I couldn't get home (probably a good reason why I hadn't renewed my Costco membership yet, most likely it saved my life).

So here is me so you can see me in the blizzard. I am the one with the frozen glasses
This doesn't give you the true scope of what a blizzard is all about, but it does show you that I know how to dress for winter up here. Kinda like a burka for the north.

Though it might be hard to tell, but see all that white stuff on the ground and how white and blurry it is in the sky? That my friends is called shitloads of snow. And it is everywhere. So this was the morning of the blizzard.

Now this is the front of our house. You see a cyclone fence in the front yard. This fence is 3 feet high. At the far corner you see that the snow has reached the top. This ladies and gentleman is where all the "blowing" snow landed.

In our front yard. Looking out the window it looked pretty enough. Realizing we wouldn't get any mail unless I shoveled the walkway left me with some resentment. I would show you pictures of the shoveled walkway but the morning I went outside in my moccasins I soon found that traction is not why people where them. After picking myself up off the ground finding that fine patch of ice and digging for the camera in the snow. I found myself with a bruised ass and a broken camera and a small lecture on going outside in the winter in moccasins.